


A little break, a little help

by hereforthehurts



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asami needs therapy too, Caretaker Korra, Caretaking, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this because i'm depressed and sad, Korrasami - Freeform, Literally all my tlok dreams coming true yehaw, No beta we die like Asami's mom, Parental Figures for Asami, Personalities for Mako, Platonic Relationships, Sick Asami, Suicidal Thoughts, Team Bonding, We need !! more whumpy Asami !!!, Whump, so much caretaking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:22:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28127562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforthehurts/pseuds/hereforthehurts
Summary: Stolen moments from when Asami is too broken to hold herself together — with all the people who takes care of her and tells her that it's okay to be broken.
Relationships: Asami Sato & Kya II, Bolin & Asami Sato, Katara & Asami Sato, Korra/Asami Sato, Lin Beifong & Asami Sato, Lin Beifong/Kya II, Mako & Asami Sato, Pema & Asami Sato
Comments: 28
Kudos: 139





	1. Korra

**Author's Note:**

> Hi !! i'm trying out new writing styles and wrote this because i'm very sad !!!! I hope this fic brings you intense feelings of angst and comfort <3
> 
> Read the tags please (warning for drinking, suicidal thoughts, etc.)

Asami didn’t know how long she had been on the floor, but it felt like days.  
  
No calls. No visits. Nobody even bothering to probably wonder about her, where she is, what’s wrong with her. It doesn’t matter, though. She wasn’t expecting anyone to—she’s used to all of it, in a way.  
  
Asami tried to close her eyes and go back to sleep.  
  
(It doesn’t work).  
  
The clock ticking on the corner of the room was too loud. Every tick she hears felt like a needle pricking on her head. Everything was too loud, too bright, everything _hurts._  
  
The urge of going to the kitchen and driving a knife into her own body was unbearable—but Asami wasn’t sure if she could even stand up.  
  
It hurts. Everything _hurts,_ but she stays, simply because she just couldn’t make herself leave.  
  
(Not sure for how much longer, though.)  
  
  
  
  
  
Eventually, the darkness takes her away again.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
She drifts in and out of consciousness, always at the edge of waking before being taken back by the dark, pulling her away from the blinding light of her apartment’s living room.  
  
She dreams of her mother, her embrace her smile. She dreams of the days where everything was fine.  
  
(It didn’t last long.)  
  
She dreams about that night. There’s screaming, too many screaming. One of them was hers. Her mother laid on the floor, and there’s blood. Blood everywhere. Everything’s happening too fast, and she’s calling her. Her mother’s calling for her name as the life slowly leaves her eyes.  
  
Asami. _Asami._  
  
“Asami.”  
  
She jolts awake.  
  
“Asami.”  
  
It’s too bright.  
  
There’s a voice near her—she couldn’t recognize who it belongs to. She’s not even sure if it’s real or if it’s just one of her hallucinations—partly because she was _so_ _sad_ and _desperate_ for someone to come look for her, care about her. The brain that people call “brilliant” just doesn’t seem to work anymore. It feels like she was swimming through murky, polluted water.  
  
“Asami, come on. Wake up.” The voice murmurs again. “Please.”  
  
A hand taps on her cheek softly.  
  
_No,_ she wanted to say, but no words came out of her dry, chapped lips. _Stop it. Stop it._ Her chest hurts. There’s a fist clenching on her throat and it _hurts_. She’s falling in and out of reality, confused, scared, _terrified.  
  
What’s real? What’s isn’t?  
  
_She doesn’t know anymore. She doesn’t know how to make it stop.  
  
Her chest feels so stuffed, suffocating her, it felt like she was going to explode.  
  
“Hey. _Hey, hey._ Don’t do that.” The hand caresses her cheek, warm and gentle. There’s something wet on her face, but she doesn’t know what it is. “Shhhhh, hey I’m here. It’s okay, Asami. Let’s get you off the floor, and…”  
  
The hand leaves.  
  
Asami wanted to cry, but she’s probably already doing that.  
  
_Don’t leave. Don’t leave._  
  
There’re sounds of bottles clinking, being disposed into her kitchen’s trash bin. Furniture being pushed around. Hushed voices, perhaps more than one—Asami really couldn’t tell. Her head hurts too much.  
_  
“You guys can leave. I’ve got it from here.”  
  
“Are you sure? She looks pretty beat up.”  
_  
_“I’m sure. I’ve got this. She was there for me at my worst anyway—I should be here for hers.”  
  
_The door closes, but Asami knows someone was staying for her.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
She dreams of the funeral. There’s black everywhere, as far as her little eyes could see. Her home doesn’t feel like home anymore—things are either being covered in plastic, white drapes, or off limits with a yellow line separating it from her.  
  
She couldn’t sleep in her mother’s bed.  
  
Her father had someone come over every few days after that. Teach her how to fight. She trains until her head throbs, until her muscles burn. _It’s so that I could protect myself. So that I don’t end up dead like my mother.  
_  
Her father never talks to her anymore, after that. Not really. He’s silent, as silent as her world.  
_  
_ She wants to scream, but she couldn’t.  
  
And then the sky crumbles all around her.  
  
  
  
  
  
“Asami! ‘Sami, hey _it’s okay_ , I’m right here, I’m here, I’m here—”  
  
A pair of arms pulls her close, into someone’s chest, beating and warm and _alive_. She’s sobbing, gasping for air, desperate to feel something, _anything_ to anchor her down because it felt like she was floating through a vast, endless void and she’s lost.  
  
She’s lost. She doesn’t know how to be found. She doesn’t even know if anyone would _want_ to find her.  
  
“Hey, hey it’s alright, sweetheart. ‘S alright. I’ve got you, I’m right here. I’ve got you.”  
  
But someone does.  
  
_She’s got me._  
  
“Breathe. Breathe with me. I’m here, I’ve got you, and I’m never leaving you alone again, okay? I—”  
  
_Promise me. They all leave. They always do._  
  
“—I promise I won’t. I’m here. Just _breathe_.”  
  
She breathes.  
  
"Good. That's good, you're doing _so_ good. Breathe, Asami. You're alright."  
  
A cold glass pressed against her lips, tipping water into her mouth. Asami didn’t realize how thirsty she was until the water goes down her dry throat.  
  
“Easy, just take it slow. You’re going to throw up again.”  
  
She’s warm. She doesn’t know if her eyes were open or not, but the room was dark, dimly lit with the night lamp as the only source of lighting. She couldn’t make out the face above her, but she doesn’t have to. She felt safe. Protected.  
  
She hasn’t felt that in a long time.  
  
The person cocoons her in blankets, wrapping her in their arms. “You should have told me,” they murmur to her, rocking her in a slow, familiar rhythm. “You should’ve just told me you weren’t okay.”  
  
_I don’t know how to do that._  
  
“You know I’m always here for you. I’ll always be.”  
  
_I didn’t know that._  
  
“You might not know that, but you do now. You aren’t alone, Asami—not as long as I’m here.”  
  
A pair of lips pressed against her forehead gently.  
  
It’s... warm. Calming. _Safe_.  
  
  
  
She wishes time could stop forever at these moments.  
  



	2. Pema

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's free therapy y'all I'm gonna write soo much of these until y'all are tired of it 😁✋

“You’re leaving? Today?”

There are voices in her head, screaming warnings to her. _Come on, Asami. Don’t be an asshole. You know she couldn’t help it—she’s the fucking Avatar! You know that. Don’t ruin this._ ** _Don’t_** _ruin this._

Still, she couldn’t help but have a little twinge of disappointment in her tone. She fiddles with the curled telephone cable of her office phone, heart clenching with a mix of feelings she couldn’t quite figure out.

_“Yeah, I—I meant to tell you sooner, but I didn’t want you to be upset…”_ Korra’s muffled voice says from the other end of the line. _“I’m really sorry, Asami.”_

“No, no—it’s fine.” Those words rolled off her tongue so easily, even though it was an obvious lie. She was used to saying it—either for requests of long hours in the office, general half-assed apologies given to her, or… Korra leaving.

_Don’t be an asshole. You know she doesn’t want to. And even if she does, you don’t have a say in this. Keep your attachment issues to yourself—Korra wouldn’t want any part of it._

_“Are you sure?”_ Korra asks, sounding skeptical about it as if she could see right through her. She always could. _“I—I know you’re not exactly well right now, and—”_

“Korra I’m _fine,”_ Asami lies again. “Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be fine. I always will.”

(That’s not true. She won’t. Korra was the only person she had left in this world—without her, she’d have absolutely nothing.)

_“Are you sure?”_

“I’ll be fine.” She repeats again.

A sigh. _“Okay. Just—if anything happens, anything at all, you know where to go to, right?”_

(No. She doesn’t. She has nobody.) “Of course, Korra.”

_“I’ll only be gone for two weeks. No longer than that. I_ ** _promise_** _.”_ Korra tries to assure her. _“I love you. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can once I arrive in the Earth Kingdom, okay?”_

“Okay.” Asami sighs. “I—I love you too.”

_“I have to go. Bye! Don’t stay out too late!”_

She wanted to respond, but the line already closed—leaving her with the repeated dead phone tone she’s known too well already.

Asami slumps back to her chair, buries her face into her office table, and sobs her heart out.

* * *

The dreams follows. It wouldn’t be a regular night if they didn’t.

White drapes. Yellow lines. No one answering when she calls for “mom”, or “dad”.

The pitied stares. The self-defense training. The days she spent secretly staring at her mother’s framed picture in her living room, wondering if she would ever come back to get her if she died too. The living world was too much without her.

Too much.

There are blood pooling on the floor—red, crimson blood, glistening under the shine of the pale moon outside their window.

_Mom,_ she screams, over and over again. _MOM. What’s happening? Get up. Please._

(She doesn’t. She never did.)

Asami sits with her as she watches the last bits of life leaves her eyes, her sleep dress soaked in her mother’s blood. Her mother’s mouth kept saying the same words. _Asami. Asami._

_Asami._

She jolts awake, panting, cold sweat plastering her shirt into her back. She reaches out into the darkness, the night lamp brightening the room surrounding her with a single click. An empty glass and a bottle of something alcoholic sits on her nightstand, and with a sluggish move, she emptied the whole thing until her body felt numb.

She promised Korra she wouldn’t do this anymore to cope, but here she is anyway.

_You said you wouldn’t. You promised her that._

(A liar, that’s what she is. Just like her father.)

Her mother stands there as always, on the corner of her room, exactly like how she last remembered her. Silk dress. Soft, jet black hair, all the way down to her hips.

There’s a sad smile on her face as she watched her.

_Stop,_ Asami wanted to scream, but she couldn’t. Instead, more sobs came out, ripping its way out of her chest, demanding to get out. _Please stop. Stop it. Go away._

Her mother still stood there still.

_Please. This hurts, mom. This hurts. Please leave me._

(She doesn’t.)

“It’s not _real,_ Asami,” she sobs to herself, pulling the curls of her dark hair in frustration. “It’s all in your head. It’s not real. _Not real!”_

But yet her mother stood there anyway.

She stumbles out of bed, tripping over her sheets as she yanked them away from her. She has to get out of here. She couldn’t—couldn’t be left alone, isolated with her own thoughts. She can’t do this. She has to find someone, someone who would take care of her…

But Korra is _gone._ She isn’t there for her, not anymore.

Asami stood there still in her steps, feeling her mother stare at her from across the room. _Who are you going to go to, now? You have nobody, nobody at all. Your father had never cared about you, and now he’s in prison. Your friends…? You don’t have friends. You have nobody. Nobody at all._

Korra’s words repeats in her mind. _“If anything happens, anything at all, you know where to go to, right?”_

_No!_ Asami screams, in her head. _I don’t_ ** _know_** _where to go! There’s nobody left in this world who cared about me except you, but now you’re gone, too—_

_“But you know,”_ Korra says, in her head. _“You know exactly where to go, Asami. You’re just denying it. You_ ** _know._** ”

She knows.

She _does_ know.

She just couldn’t do it. She _can’t._

Her mother stares at her still, from the corner of the room. Sad smile turning into something more… _dead._ She was no longer alive but she somehow was still here, watching her. It scares her more than it gave her comfort.

Asami can’t—she can’t do this. She _can’t._

If Air Temple is where she has to go, then she’ll go. Even if she doesn’t want to.

She stood up, holding onto her bed frame for support (somehow she forgot that she was still drunk), and staggered on with her life like she always do.

* * *

Perhaps it’s because she was drunk, but there are _so many lights_ outside, more than there should be.

It’s all too bright, even when she's far away from the city in the dark waters of the sea surrounding it. The red and white light _stabs_ into her head, but she went on anyway—the Temple shouldn’t be that far, if she had remembered correctly. She doesn’t trust herself getting on to a car (she wants to kill herself, not other people), but a boat should be fine. At least if she drowned…

Oh, god. Stop that. _Stop that._

Her joints hurt. She was so tired that she doesn’t even try to stifle the yawns that made her mouth hurt and her eyes water. The pricking needle in her head stays there still, insistently torturing her. But it was all somehow better than staying in bed all alone, knowing that her mother would be there, watching silently.

It was all in her head. _It’s all in her head._ But yet she couldn’t get out of it, no matter how hard she tried, as if she was trapped inside her own head with no way out. It's suffocating, and confusing, and so frustrating. It felt like she was going crazy.

(Maybe she really was.)

Eventually, after what felt like drifting on the water forever, she could see the island in the distance—gleaming softly compared to the bright city lights surrounding it in the distance. She thanked whatever was listening out there for keeping her drunk ass safe and hoped she was brave enough to ask for help once she got there.

_(They don't even know who you are.)_

_Yes they do. I'm Korra's... girlfriend._

_(You have no right to burden them with yourself. They are still nobody to you.)_

_I know that, I KNOW that! I just want to live. Dear god, just let me live. Please._

The boat came to a sudden halt.

Asami stumbles out, to the wet and cold wooden dock, unsure of what to do—she couldn't just barge into the place like she belonged in it, right? What would she even say to them? She wasn't family. Or an airbender. She was nobody at all, just one step away from being a stranger if it wasn't for Korra.

This was a bad idea.

(A thump in her chest.)

She should have _known_ better.

She should go back and suffer alone. It's what she deserves.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ —

"Asami?"

She turns around abruptly, wondering if the voice was real or not. What if the ghost of her mother had followed? What if coming here hadn't made a single difference at all?

"Asami, what are you doing here? It's so late. Even _I_ should be sleeping." The voice chuckles. It was... a girl. A young girl, no taller than her chest, but she couldn't recognize who she was. She couldn't see her face.

Asami stood there, frozen.

"Asami? What... are you okay? What are you... what are you doing here so late?"

She shook her head. She doesn't know. She _doesn't_ _know_. "I don't know." She mutters. "I don't know."

"You don't... know?"

Asami buries her face into her palm and sobs into it, tears streaking down her already wet face. "I don't know, I don't know," She keeps repeating, as if it was a prayer. "I don't know."

She's lost, like a puppet who were cut off their string as she drifts into the dark void. She's lost and nobody's coming for her. She's lost and she doesn't know what to do, she's lost, lost, _lost—_

"Asami."

"Asami. Asami, it's okay." A different voice, this time, much more calm and collected than the last. "Let's—let's get you to mom, okay? Don't cry. It's okay."

An arm wraps around her chest, guiding her to keep walking. "I'm sorry," she says between her sobs, wrapping her arms around herself because it's cold and she's _scared_. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You did nothing wrong, Asami. It's alright."

(But she has. She's done so much wrong, _everything_ is wrong.)

There are voices coming all around her, but her ears were ringing so loudly that she couldn't quite hear them clearly.

("Jinora? Oh, you've got her, thank god. What happened? Ikki, how did you find her?")

("I—I don't know, she was just standing there staring to the distance and she looked so confused, so I tried to greet her and say hi but then she starts crying so I got scared and ran to find Jinora—")

("Okay, okay, it's alright. It's not your fault, Ikki, deep breaths.")

("Mom, we have to get her inside. Something must've happened, she's scared.")

("Of course. Of course. Take your sister to bed, Jinora, I've got it from here.")

The pair of arms leaves her, replaced by another. It pulls her close into the warmth, and Asami follows, whimpering.

"Oh, sweetheart, it's alright," the voice says, sweet and gentle, like a light summer breeze. "You're shaking. Let's get you to bed, hm? You must be so tired."

(She is. She is so, _so_ tired.)

"I'm sorry," she repeats again, suprised that it was loud enough to be heard. Someone was hammering a nail into her head and everything _hurts_. "'m sorry."

"Shhhh. None of that. There's nothing to be sorry for, love. You're sick and scared and I'm going to take care of you, alright?"

Asami doesn't argue with that.

It felt like forever, stumbling on one foot after the other. Sometimes she forgets how big the Air Temple Island really is. But tonight, it's just too big for her, too much, it's _too_ _much_. All she wants to do was to crumble down and cry forever—but someone's holding her, guiding her, reminding her ever so gently that she's not alone. "Keep going, come on, just a little more," the voice mutters to her, and she sobs to that. "That's it. Brave, strong girl. You're going to be alright, one step at a time."

One step at a time.

The arm guides her to lay down, _finally_ , into the cold, forgiving sheets. More hushed voices, and she could see the blurry silohuette of the two girls standing on the door, as scared as confused as her. Asami wanted to tell them that she was okay, that everything was fine, because that's what she has to do, right? Comfort them, take care of them—it's what she always is. A caretaker. But she couldn't, she couldn't. She couldn't even take care of herself.

So, she curls up into her chest and cries even more.

"Shhhhh," a hand pulls her close, into their lap. Fingers carding softly along her hairline, then more soft shushes. "It's okay, love. Breathe. You're not alone anymore, I've got you right here."

A warm washcloth brushes on her cheek, cleaning up the mess of dried tears all over it. Her chest hurts from crying, everything _hurts_. She grasps on the woman's shirt to anchor herself to her. She doesn't want to be lost anymore. She wants to be found, right here.

(And she _is,_ found. She hopes so, at least.)

The woman stayed with her long after Asami fell silent, too tired and sick to cry any more tears. She whispers sweet comforts into the shell of her ears, rocking her as if Asami was one of her children. One she had to protect and care for, just like her own.

Mothers can be found in interesting places, after all.


	3. Mako and Bolin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here making fix it fics for Mako's personality and arc bcs man ,, , , , platonic friendships 😩👌👌

It might be a surprise to some people, but the truth is, Asami and Mako became very close friends after they were able to put their angsty teenage history behind them.

It didn't happen instantly, of course—there was a lot of unwanted, awkward conversation they had to go through in order for them (including Korra) to be in content about their past, but some of these days, Asami would find herself talking to him about everything and nothing at all. He was a downright boring guy, true—sometimes she used that to tease him when they talk—but being boring meant that he was a good listener. A really, _really_ good one.

She talks about her father to him sometimes. He listens.

She talks about Korra. He listens.

She talks about her work. New inventions and building ideas she's going to make. He gives advice when she asks for it. But most of all, he listens.

She'd ask him to talk, in days where she doesn't feel like talking, and he'd tell her about today's weather— _always_ the damn weather—but she doesn't mind. It was actually rather nice. Soothing.

He doesn't ask questions. He doesn't judge, doesn't speak unless he was asked. He _listens_. And he certainly isn't the same impulsive, confused man he was when they were eighteen—and Asami was so, _so_ glad for that.

Because turns out, Mako was better when they're simply just good friends.

(She wished she had realized that sooner.)

She remembers that one night late in the office, when Mako had called her instead of the opposite. She listened to him talk—well, stutter, really—incoherently for a full five minutes, acting as if he wants to be lisened to but _not_ be heard, and with an exaggerated sigh, Asami cuts him off. "Mako. Speak properly, will you? I can't understand a single shit you said."

Silence from the other side.

Then another mess of a stutter, "I—all I'm saying is that I... I might—"

"Might _what,_ Mako?" She couldn't help but be impatient and weirdly amused at the same time. She hasn't heard Mako talk with such incoherence ever since... well ever since they dated, way back when they were eighteen.

"I might be gay too, okay!" He screams it out.

Asami raises her eyebrows, eyes wide in surprise. Well, she wasn't expecting _that_. "Oh? That's..."

Immediately, she felt a mix of feelings inside her. Honored that she might be one of the first people Mako had came out to. Surprised, proud, and... happy, for him. Unbelievably so.

"I—it's not because I was copying you, or anything, I just—"

"What? No, no, Mako I am _so_ happy for you," Asami cuts him off, grinning. "It's just—I didn't see this coming, how did you realize...?"

"Well... how did _you_ realize?"

Silence.

"When—it was when Korra was poisoned." She began. "I just felt... all this _dread,_ inside of me. It was only then I realize that I couldn't bear to live in a world without her. It wasn't... I mean, I didn't exactly realize that I was attracted to _all_ women, it was just... her."

"So do I," Mako whispers.

Asami patiently waits to listen, this time, just how he did with her countless times.

"I—did you know what happened, last week? when the—when a few unknown people attacked the city mall?"

She nods. "I heard Prince Wu was there, and that's why people were—oh."

"Yeah."

Asami couldn't help but tease him. "Really though? Out of all the men that exists out there, it's _him?"_

"Wh—I know it's not exactly _preferable_ ," she could feel Mako rolling his eyes on the other side, "but he told me he liked me a lot, at Zhu Li and Varrick's wedding. Told me that I was too good to be sulking over some silly women, and—well, let's just say that ever since then, I thought that maybe I had been looking in the wrong places after all."

"It felt like pushing together two wrong pieces of puzzles to me, before Korra," Asami says softly. "Was it—did you feel like that, too?"

"Well... yeah. I guess—I guess that's how I felt." He sighs. "Wu had been upset since the wedding. He thought I rejected him, and... oh, god, I thought being with boys would be simpler since I am one, but it's not!"

Asami laughs at that. "Mako, _nobody_ is simple. Not even me and Korra. But at least now you know you're looking in the right place, right?"

"I... yeah, I guess so."

She smiles. "Have you told Bolin?"

"I—I haven't... told anyone, yet. Not really. I wasn't exactly sure of it until I talked to you."

"I'm sure Bolin would be nothing but estatic and supportive of you, Mako. I promise."

"Yeah—no, I wasn't afraid of telling him, I was more afraid of him throwing a big coming out party for me without my permission," Mako jokes, and Asami laughs at that. She could already imagine Bolin, exploding with happiness, talking to her about party plans for his big brother. "It's just—do you think, if i told Lin, would she... I don't know, kick me out of the force?"

Asami laughs at that, too. "Oh Mako, have you not heard? Korra told me one time that Lin had something going on with Tenzin's older sister. It's... complicated, she says, but if that tells you anything, it's that you do _not_ have to worry about her discriminating you."

"Huh, what do you know," Mako mutters. "I guess everyone _is_ a little bit gay."

"Oh my god, that's horrible," she groans, laughing. "Get off my line, _now_."

"I really think I should," he agrees. "It's late, anyway—wait, are you still in the office?"

"I still have a few things to finish, it's nothing."

"Asami, it's almost one in the morning. We've talked about this."

"Yes, yes, you talked, I listened. No agreements were made."

"You're a _nightmare_."

"I know." She rolls her eyes in amusement.

Mako sighs. "Go home, Asami," he tells her. "I'm—

"—worried."

Asami taps on her desk, unsure of what to say to that. Mako was on the other line, scolding her, it seems— _god_ , she must have been such a mess that even Mako needed to come and intervene. "I'm fine, Mako."

"Asami. Your office's secretary _called_ _me_ because she found you in your office, today, still in the same clothes as you were two days ago, sleeping on your fucking desk."

"I just—I have a lot of work to do." She tries to excuse.

"So much work until you don't have time to go home and change? To _eat?"_

"I'm kind of the CEO of the largest industry in Republic City, so."

"You're also a human who needs to be taken care of!" Mako exclaims. "Asami, I... I know, that something's wrong. You don't have to explain it all to me, but Pema had been bugging me on about you for ages. I _know._ And I'm worried."

"I don't _need_ you to worry about me. I'm a grown woman, I—"

"—Well, you're certainly not acting like one right now, are you?"

Asami shuts up at that.

"Look, I—I'm not calling you to fight, okay? I just want you to go home now and sleep, _in your bed_." Mako presses those last words firmly. "Please?"

Asami sighs. "I will," she lies, she always do. "And—I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He dismisses it, softening his voice. "You know Bolin and I will always be here for you, right?"

"I know." (She doesn't.)

"Okay. Go _home_."

"I'm going, _mom_."

With a slight chuckle, Mako says goodbye and ends the call.

Asami places the phone on its place tiredly, slumps on her seat, and stays.

Where else would you go when your home doesn't feel like home anymore?

* * *

"God _fucking_ dammit, Asami."

A hand grabs her shoulder, gently pulling her up despite how firm the grip is. They brush her hair away from her face, gathering them before tying it behind her back. "Well, at least she's not drunk."

"What—what's wrong with her?" Another voice asks, tiny and confused. "She's..."

"A mess, yeah."They hauled her arm over their neck, and Asami cries out in pain, feeling her joints burn from the movement.

"Fuck! Fuck, I'm _so_ sorry, Asami I—"

"Leave me alone," she mutters in pain, half sobbing. "Jus'—just leave me alone..."

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry—it's okay, it's just me, Mako. And—and Bolin. We're not going to hurt you, okay? We're going to take you home."

"I can't go home," Asami tries to break free from his grip but falls on to the floor instead, heaving and sobbing. "I can't, _I can't_ —"

"Why not?" They—Mako—asks, desperately trying to keep her still. He props her against the wall instead, holding on to her arms to hell her sit up. "Asami, shhhhh, calm down. Tell me what's wrong—I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong, okay?"

Everything's wrong. _Everything's wrong._ "Mom, my mom—she's there, watching, I'm scared and I can't go home, the nightmares, I don't want to be alone—"

"Shhhhhh, shhh hey, _hey,_ you're not alone," Mako mutters, guiding her head to lean into him. "Asami, you're not alone. We're right here."

Asami clenches her fingers into his shirt to make sure it was all real, not just her imagination playing a cruel trick on her again. "I don't want to be alone," she kept whispering despite her burning, scratchy throat. "I don't _want_ to be alone—"

"—And you're _not,"_ He assures. "You're not, Asami. We're right here, see? We're going to take care of you. We're going to take you home."

"Come on, Asami," Bolin agrees on her other side. "It's alright, let's get you home. You have a fever..."

"She needs some water," Mako nodded. "And food, and sleep, in her bed—"

"One thing at a time," Bolin reminds him.

"Right, right, one thing at a time—help her up, Bolin, be careful..."

Asami whines when both boys hauled her up, her insides screaming and writhing in response. Everything hurts, and she's so tired, _so_ _tired_...

"Shhh, lean on me, you're alright, 'Sami," Mako whispers. "I should've came for you sooner..."

(It wouldn't have made a single difference, but Asami leans on his shoulder and cries anyway.)

"Careful, Bo. Just hold her tight. It's only going to be a while."

She felt her head being gently placed on someone's lap, two hands pulling her close, securing her. Asami curls into the warmth, praying to the spirits that it won't leave her this time. _Just this time. Please._

"Just close your eyes, Asami. Hold on tight."

(She does.)

* * *

"Open your mouth."

Asami obeys it without any questions.

Something warm and savory fills her mouth, and she recognizes it as Pema's dumplings. She didn't realize how fucking hungry she is until she devoured it in a few quick chews, wanting for more.

"Slow down, okay? You don't need to worry, there's more." A voice mutters, feeding her more. She chews it all down despite her mouth hurting, her gums swollen with the fever. She briefly wonders if this was her punishment.

(If it was, then she deserved it. She deserved every bits of it.)

"Hey, 's okay," the voice says, awkwardly wiping off the tears that escaped the brim of her eyes (when did _she_ start crying?). "Look, I always knew Pema's dumplings are amazing, but damn..."

Asami couldn't help but laugh at that, wincing at the way her throat scrapes on itself. The laughs quickly turn into coughs, causing her to shake and her eyes water even more. A hand pats on her back soothingly.

"Easy. Deep breath. You've got a pretty nasty cold going on, 'Sami. You're lucky it's not pneumonia. The healers says it could've been worse."

Asami frowns, trying to look at Mako through her bleary eyes. "Where... where...?"

"Air Temple Island," Mako answers. "You hated your apartment in the city. Never knew why you stubbornly still chose to stay there."

"I'm nobody, Mako." She managed to say, surprisingly coherent. "I'm just... nobody."

"No, you're not _—_ are you _serious?_ " Mako asks. "Pema coddled you when you cried, Asami."

"That shouldn't have... that was—that was a mistake."

Mako scoffs. "Yeah, tell _that_ to her, I dare you."

She sobs at that, and Mako's face fell, eyes widening. "Hey, hey—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

Asami shook her head. "I don't know, Mako. I don't know."

"That's okay." He pulls her close, into his shoulder. "That's okay, Asami. I just... wished you'd stop pushing us away."

"I don't know how to do that."

"You're doing it right now."

Asami leans in closer.

"Shhhh. Don't cry. Korra's going to kill me if she knows I made her girlfriend cry."

Asami laughed a little at that before sobbing even more. "She... she left me. It's been—'s been more than two weeks. She promised."

"I'm sorry. She just couldn't help it," Mako answers softly. "You know she loves you. You know that."

(She doesn't. Not anymore.)

"Don't leave," Asami whispers to him. "They all leave."

"I'm going nowhere, Asami." He rocks her, pressing the tip of a glass into her lips. "Drink. You need it."

He settles her down into the pillows after the last drops of water goes down her throat, pulling the covers over her shoulders. Asami shivers, feeling a familiar warmth beside her and inches closer to it, only pulling away when she realizes that she was sick. "Shit, Bolin—he shouldn't—shouldn't be here—"

"Shh. Relax. It's going to be okay," Mako tells her, turning off the lamp with a single click. "You know damn well nobody's leaving you alone, Asami."

She sobs again, nodding, curling closer into the other boy who's sleeping soundly beside her. Bolin unconsciously wraps an arm around her while Mako places a warm washcloth on her forehead, gentle as always. "Rest, 'Sami," he murmurs. "Spirits knows you need it."

And for the first time in what felt like forever, she finally closed her eyes without having to worry about who would be there when she wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also yes you smelt that right!! Korrasami angst coming in soon ooooh boy 😏


	4. Lin and Kya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all !! Sorry this chapter took SO LONG to make >_< There's self-harm scenes in this one and it's actually super hard for me to write abt what i used to do (still does sometimes). So sorry again !!
> 
> Tw for self harm scenes and very slight nsfw (only in the flashbacks so dw abt it) !! Enjoy 😁

Lin didn't know how many times in her life she had been in a ferry to cross the Republic City's surrounding waters, but every time she does, it felt like the first all over again.

There's just _something_ about seeing the lights and the breeze and the view of thousands of skyscrapers clustering the city from afar. She remembered being five and jumping up and down on the board, head barely over the ferry's railing as she held on to it. She was little then and was too young to understand about fathers and normal families and the secrets her mother kept from her. All she knew was that her mom is powerful and famous and _freaking_ _awesome_ , and that was it.

And as Lin sat on the ferry heading to its stop at Air Temple Island, she wished she was able to feel like that all over again.

Her feet sensed a shiver from her side, and she turned to look at the young woman beside her. Asami was hugging her arms around her, curled up into herself.

"Are you cold?" Lin asked, already taking off her own coat in instinct. Asami looked up, startled, and shook her head.

"No, no, I'm fine—"

"You're shivering," She tells her, putting on her coat over the girl's shaking figure anyway. "Just wear it. And _don't_ even think about lying to me about it."

Asami sighs. "I... thanks. For everything, too."

Lin raises her eyebrows in question.

"No, I meant—helping me move, and all that. I know you're busy. You didn't have to."

"It's nothing. I'm just glad that you're finally moving out of that apartment in the city. You've always hated that place, anyway." She flashed her a small smile. "it's a huge step, you know, letting people into your life. It was for me—it still is. I'm glad for you."

Asami just smiled back and nodded.

They resumed the ride in silence again.

Lin tries to focus on the afternoon view, but it was hard to when she could feel Asami growing more and more uneasy beside her all the way. What's bugging her is that she couldn't exactly guess why. Does Asami get seasick? Or was it. _.. her?_ Did she say something wrong? "Asami, are you alright?"

The girl jumps from her seat and places her hands over her arms instantly, a gesture Lin recognized too well from being a police officer for so long. _She's hiding something._

"Fine," Asami stutters out, then repeated again, "I'm fine, thank you."

To be honest, even Meelo would know that she was lying, but Lin decided not to bite.

After all, she knows a thing or two about keeping things to herself, too.

* * *

"You should stay and rest. I'll get the rest of your stuff on my own."

Asami frowns at her, then shook her head. "No, I can't possibly do—"

"Sato, you are as pale as snow." She tells her, shaking her head as Tenzin's children ran around the room in excitement, chanting "Asami's staying!" over and over again. "Do me a favor and rest. I'll take care of it."

The girl gave her a small smile. "Thank you. I will."

Lin smiles back, turns around, and ushers the kids outside. "Come on, both of you. Get on the ground and give Asami some space," she says, soft but demanding.

"You two can come help me with dinner," Pema adds from the door. "We're having guests, remember?"

"Guests!" Their chants changes into that. Ikki and Meelo drops to the wooden floor and runs out past their mother, leaving a gush of wind behind them.

Pema shook her head and winces at the two women in the room. "Sorry about that. But Asami, please don't worry about your privacy. I promise you can lock this door any time you want."

Asami just shook her head and smiled. "I know—it's totally fine. Thank you again."

It feels like that was the only words Asami could say, given how much she had been saying "thank you" here and there for the past hours. _That_ , and "i'm fine". Lin was beginning to suspect that Asami really is a piece of human cardboard after all.

_(That was a little mean,_ she scolds herself. _It's not like you're any better than her.)_

(But maybe that's exactly the reason why.)

"Lin? Are you leaving now?"

She pulls herself away from her self-consuming thoughts and turned to Pema, who's standing in her usual air acolyte outfit. "I, uh—yes. I have to get the last of Asami's belongings from her apartment and bring it here—I'm sure I'll be back in a while."

Pema smiles. "In time for dinner?"

"I... I guess, yes."

"I'm assuming you'll be staying, then?"

Lin finds herself smiling back in a teasing manner. "Maybe. That will depend on how good your tofu soup is."

Pema laughs. "I'll set a seat for you—oh, the kids will be ecstatic. I'm sure you'll be staying, anyway—Kya and a few others are arriving all the way from the North Pole in a few hours. I'm not sure if you knew, but they're staying for some kind of business with Raiko in the city..."

_Kya?_

It takes some time for it to sink in, but once it does, Lin could feel a bomb going off inside of her.

A panic attack settles in her chest. She couldn't move, freezing up as if she was trapped in place. There's a hot flash, and she's shaking again because she's scared, she's scared of Kya, she's scared of falling for the same mistake again.

( _Was it? Was it really a mistake, Lin?_ )

_Her slender fingers caressing the length of her arm, her hips, her legs. Touching her. Kissing her. Whispering softly into her ears, "you've never changed."_

(She never did.)

It was. It _was_ a mistake.

"Lin?"

Her mouth went dry. "I have to... I have to—go. I need to go, now..."

Her ears were ringing as she staggers her way outside the temple buildings. She couldn't hear a thing Pema says after—she's back, trapped in her own world again and she couldn't breathe.

She couldn't breathe.

By the time she caught a ride back to the city, she wad already sobbing.

It really was a mistake, because it _hurts_ —it haunts her for the rest of her days and nights, for weeks and months, no matter where she is, or what's she's doing. Her mind always goes back to that night, that _damned_ _night_ , and Kya—

She could still feel the ghost of her kiss in her lips.

_It hurts so much._

It was a mistake.

Lin just has to make sure that she won't do it all over again.

* * *

She doesn't remember the rest of the ride back to the city, nor getting to Asami's old apartment to get the last of her things, but when she opened her eyes again, she was back in her office desk, a half-empty bottle of wine in front of her.

_What the fuck...?_

(The thing about denial and grief is that it fucks you up. It fucks you up so badly that your heart would feel like it's glass being shattered into pieces over and over again. Your memories scattered everywhere like pieces of an unfinished puzzle. And the next thing you know, you're trapped in your mind again—imprisoned far, far away, like the Red Lotus members, except it's worse, because she's in her own mind.

And her mind is a one _cruel_ little shit.)

_Her healer fingers tracing the scar on her face lightly, as if it was still an open wound, as if she was scared of hurting her. Sweat glistened on her forehead, under the dim yellow light of her lamp._

_"You_ _were hurt," she says softly. "You keep getting hurt."_

_"Lucky you're a healer," Lin murmured in amusement, reaching for her back. The lamp goes off with a single click, and they succumbed into the darkness, where no one can see them._

_Her burning mouth sinking deeper and deeper into her chest, her shaky breaths, the sweet smell of her sweat, almost like the sea. Her lips on hers, her lips on hers,_ **_her lips on hers_ ** _—_

Lin downed the rest of her bottle and stood up abruptly, warm and drowsy. The ceiling light of her office distorts her vision.

The clock on the wall reads 9:15 pm.

"Shit," Lin curses to herself. The two boxes that belongs to Asami she didn't remember getting rests on the corner of the room. She promised her that she'd get it for her.

She promised. And Lin doesn't break promises. _Beifongs_ don't.

(But they do. Of course they do.)

The last ferry heading to Air Temple Island leaves at 10:00 pm. She could just leave Asami's belongings and ask one of the air acolytes to deliver it to her, and head back before anyone sees her.

Before _Kya_ sees her.

Yeah. She could do that. Beifongs don't break promises. _She_ doesn't, at least. She _won't_.

_Maybe not,_ a voice in her head says, _but you're definitely lying to yourself._

_I'm not._

_See?_

Lin felt like falling apart as she walked her way to the docks. The half moon shines in the sky, bright and blinding, but it scares her more than it gave her comfort. It felt like a warning. That she should turn away, run away, _now_ , before she's in too deep to even see the way out.

Maybe the truth is that she wanted to repeat the same mistake she made that night all over again. And again. And again. _And again._

Even when she knew that it would break both of them to pieces.

_"We can't do this," she had said to Kya that night. "You know it wouldn't work, Kya. You know it won't."_

_She could still hear it so clearly, how broken the other woman's voice was when she spoke up to her. Her voice haunts her every night ever since. "Why would you say that?"_

_"Because it's the truth," Lin told her._

_And it really was._

* * *

The island was eerily quiet when she stepped foot on their dock, as if everyone were hiding from her because they knew what's about to happen between her and Kya once they inevitably meet.

_What would happen, anyway?_ Lin finds herself wondering. Would it be like her and Suyin, when they first met in thirty years? Throwing rocks and metal to each other, embarrasing themselves until someone stops them? Letting it all out before finally finding peace?

If so, she would let Kya punch her with water and throw ice shards at her and _drown_ her, because she deserved it. She deserved all of it. She really does. It would have been easier that way, but Lin knew she wouldn't.

There weren't any answer when Lin knocks on Asami's bedroom door. Instead, she dropped the boxes in front of her room, not wanting to hang around longer than she has to. The corridors were dimly lit and empty, deathly silent except for the footsteps approaching from the opposite end of the hallway.

Lin's eyes widen. _Wait—_

But she was too late.

(She always was.)

Kya shows up—just her luck, _of_ _course_ it had to be her—carrying the sleeping Ikki on one arm and the half-awake Jinora holding her other hand. They didn't notice her at first, walking along the dark corridor with only going to bed in their minds, but Jinora, eyes sharp as an air bison's, managed spot her in the dark anyway. She gasps and tugged on her aunt's hand. "Aunt Kya, there's someone there."

Kya turns around.

It might be dark, but Lin could still see the shock and surprise in her face, and hear the bomb going off inside Kya's chest.

"Who is it, aunt Kya?"

"It's—" she chokes. "It's nobody, sweetheart. Just... just Lin. Nothing to worry about."

"Aunt Lin?" Jinora frowns. "Why's she here...?"

"I'm just—just dropping some of Asami's things," Lin managed to speak up despite how hard she was shaking, how hard she's trying not to run away, and fall apart, and cry. She wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to see the face that's been haunting her for the past few months. "I'll be on my way, now. Good night."

She turns around, leaving Lin and the two girls behind her back. Her face felt hot despite the cold sweat racing down her back, gracing her skin.

She slumps to the floor once Kya was out of sight.

Shaking. Sobbing. Powerless.

It's amazing how one person was able to break her like this.

_"it's the truth," Lin told her. "We both will never work out. It's too late for us, Kya. Too late."_

_"It's not," Kya's shaking, tears running down her cheeks wildly. "It's_ **_not_ ** _, Lin. Why would you say that?"_

_She pulls away, even though it hurts. Even though she wanted to wipe the tears off Kya's perfect face so badly, tell her that she's sorry, that it isn't true. She wanted to kiss her, wrap her in her arms, tell her that she loved her. That she wanted nothing more than spend the rest of her life with her._

_But she couldn't. She knew she couldn't. It wouldn't work,_ **_it wouldn't work,_ ** _she was too much of a coward to take that risk. The risk of loving someone else._

_Loving Kya was inevitable._

_Leaving her was wise._

_(Or at least, that's what she thinks.)_

_"Why would you say that?" Kya repeated again, desperate and sad and wounded. "Lin, why would you—"_

_"Because I lied," Lin cuts her off. "I didn't love you. I don't."_

_She watches Kya stand up, take her coat, and walk out the door, leaving her behind. Just like she had decades ago, when they were kids. Just like she always do._

**_It wouldn't work._ **

**_They wouldn't work._ **

_It was too late. And Lin couldn't make herself believe that it wasn't the truth, no matter how hard she tried. She sat there that night, in the dark, staring at her closed door, where Kya had left. Wondering what might have happened if only she hadn't missed her. If only she isn't too late._

If only.

Lin stood up shakily from her place on the cold, hard floor, still in the dark corridors of the Air Temple. She needed to catch a ferry and go home, get away from here, away from Kya, as far as she could.

But first... water. She needed some water.

Lin staggers towards the bathroom, the sudden light blinding her vision when she abruptly opened the door.

A sudden metallic _clang_ follows, and Lin stops in her steps, surprised.

A dark haired girl was on the floor, red dripping from her arms and onto the white tiles, supressing her sobs as her body shook.

Alarms went off in Lin's head.

She knows. She knows what was happening almost immediately, to her own suprise, and quickly acts on it.

"Asami. Asami, sweetheart, let's get you away from that, let's—" she chokes on her words, bending the sharp metal razor away from the girl and crumples it into a small ball. "Asami. Hey, hey, look at me. It's alright."

Asami was shaking, drawing her knees to her chest and tries to make herself as small as she could, as if she wanted to dissapear. She whimpers when Lin pulls her into her arms, and cries even more when she shushes her softly. "It's alright," she whispers, even though it's not. "It's alright, Asami. I'm here. I'm right here. You're not alone."

What else would you say when you find someone so broken, so lost and confused that they had no choice but to hurt themself?

Lin doesn't even know what she'd say to herself, for all the times she used to.

* * *

She moves around the kitchen like it's her own home, placing a steaming cup of tea in front of Asami's shaking figure.

Her eyes were bloodshot red and swollen, contrast to her pale, bruised skin. Lin tries her best to bandage the cuts in Asami's arms with the first aid kit she retrieved from the bathroom, but she isn't a healer. _It shouldn't be that hard,_ she had thought, but it is.

It's hard to look at what she used to be years ago.

Someone walks into the kitchen and Asami jumps from her place, hugging herself like she did back at the ferry ride, when Lin had asked her if she was alright.

It was Kya, who walked in (of course it's her. If the circumstances were different, Lin would've laughed at the irony), barely awake and yawning. Her eyes widen when she realized that she wasn't alone in the room.

"Kya," Lin spoke first. "I—"

"You're still here," she breathes. "Why're you... Asami, what's—?" Kya circles around the table, looking confused and worried rather than annoyed. She frowns even deeper once she catches a glimpse of Asami's arms. "What's—Asami, are you hurt? Did one of the air bisons attack you—?"

Asami stayed silent, staring at the kitchen's wooden floor, while Lin isn't even sure if she was able to talk to her—let alone tell her what was happening.

It wasn't her place to, anyway.

"Are any of you going to answer me?" Kya was getting impatient. Worry drips in her voice when she says it.

And then, for the first time in months, she looks eye-to-eye with Lin.

Lin stares back at her, fingers unconsciously tracing the scar on her cheek.

Kya's face fell. Her mouth forms a silent, _oh_.

_Oh, no._

She moves to replace Lin's seat in front of Asami. Lin gladly lets her, stepping away to the corner of the room, halfway in the dark.

"Come, let me have a look at that," Kya murmurs, taking Asami's arm into her hand gently. She spreads them out, three sets of fresh cuts glistening under the glowing flow of water she bent out of her waterskin.

"I'm sorry," Asami whispers, barely audible.

Kya shook her head. "It's alright. Accidents hapen, you know. There's no need to be sorry."

"It wasn't one."

So she knows, too.

The waterbender sighs. She places her healing water back, much to Lin's surprise, and began rolling her leggings up to her thighs, revealing—

Asami stares at her.

"I know," Kya says, so softly that it made Lin's heart ache. "It happened to me, too. I wasn't always the cool aunt. Sometimes I break, and that's okay." She unrolls her leggings back down, hiding the ghost of her faint, messy scars under it. "What's _not_ okay is when you start hurting yourself or other people because _you're_ hurting inside."

"I don't know how to make it stop," Asami sobs, voice hoarse and tired. "The hurt."

"It happens, sweetheart."

"I know. But it hurts. I just want it—I want it to stop. I don't know how."

Kya places a hand on the younger girl's cheek gently. "You let it out," she tells her. "It's the only way. Don't bottle it in. Let it out the _right_ _way_ _._ "

"How?"

"Tell me," she strokes the side of Asami's hair. "What's hurting you, love?"

Asami stares at the floor for the longest time. Her mouth was open, but nothing came out—only tears, flowing out of her eyes like a dam that's been broken. Lin wanted to wipe the tears away from her face. Kya lets it flow.

"I miss my dad," Asami finally whispers. "He wasn't—he wasn't perfect. He made his mistakes, and hurt me, but in the end, he's always loved me. He saved me. And I—" she chokes on her words, "I don't know how to feel about that."

Kya hums, fingers kept stroking the girl's jet black hair gently. "You know, Asami—some feelings, they... you don't need it, to understand them." She tells her. "Sometimes, you just have to feel it and be at peace with it."

Asami nods and sobs into Kya's chest for a long, _long_ time. She lets her while she wraps her healing water on the scarred skin of her arms, the other hand circling her palm on Asami's back.

Lin stood there in the corner, paralyzed.

Kya does it, too.

_Did._ She never would've thought. Kya had always seemed so... stable, so calm and collected and _fierce_ and—

She never stays.

( _This wouldn't work for_ _both of you_ , the voice in her head kept saying. _You know it wouldn't._ )

(Lin ignores it.)

"There you go, sweetheart. It's alright." Kya mutters softly, bending back the water into the waterskin on her hip. "Do you think you're ready for bed?"

Asami shook her head. "I can't sleep. The nightmares, they—my dad's body, my mom's voice, I—"

"Shhh, okay, okay." She nods, brushing the hair out of her face. "Come. I know a trick for that."

"You do?"

"Of course. Waterbenders _always_ know the tricks." Kya smiles and helps her up from her seat, wrapping an arm around the younger girl when her knees buckled. "You're alright, love. Come on, one step at a time."

Lin watches Kya guide her out of the room while Asami clings to her arm like her life depended on it, just like Jinora and Ikki did moments ago.

_Children,_ a voice in her heart says. _Children, that's what they are. The ones who saved the world, who's_ ** _still_** _saving the world, and they're the ones who has to bear the weight of doing so._

It made her heart ache.

Lin sits down and rests her face in her palms, exhausted and drained.

She remembered the day Kya left Republic City. They were nineteen then, and didn't know much about the world or even themselves to begin with. To be honest, Lin knew that Kya had been a little bit off and distant for almost the entire year before she had told her that she was going to be leaving.

"Where?" Lin had asked her, trying to hide the pain in her voice terribly. Her heart sinking so deep that it felt like it was going to burst. "Wh—how long?"

"I don't know," Kya shook her head, and the worst part was that she isn't lying about it. She really doesn't know.

"What? So you—you have no plan, nothing?" Lin frowns even deeper. "Do your parents know? How could they allow you to—"

"They're fine with it," Kya brushes it off. "There was a lot of talking, but in the end, they're fine with it. They were roughly even sixteen when they traveled the world to end the war, you know. _Your_ mother was barely twelve."

"Yes, but—" Lin tries to find the suitable words, not wanting to come off as clingy or posessive. "I don't understand... why."

"You don't need to understand, Lin," Kya smiles softly, and right there and then, Lin knew she was always going to miss that smile for each passing day the other girl was away. "I just need you to be supportive of the decision I've made."

"I _am_ ," Lin murmurs. "I just... are you not happy here, Kya? Is that—is that why you're leaving?"

Kya laughs it off, as if it was the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard. "Lin, of course I'm happy. But I wanted to explore the world, see _everything_. This, me leaving... it doesn't have anything to do with that, I promise."

But Lin knew she was lying.

The day Kya left was the first time Lin hurts herself.

She came home from the farewell holding her breaths and her tears, locking herself in the bathroom almost immediately. She remembers staring at the reflection of herself on silver rimmed mirror hung on the bathroom wall.

The two faint scars Suyin had caused months ago suddenly became so visible to her. _Too_ visible. It wasn't a scar yet then, just the ghost of a few cuts waiting to fade away. But that was on the skin. What's inside... it's a whole different thing.

_People, they hurt you,_ a voice in her head says. _They always have, always will. And eventually, they'd all leave you. Just like your sister did. Just like how your father and the other man did to your mother._

Lin carves the scar with her pocket knife, fresh blood rolling down her cheek.

_And this is a reminder of that._

"Lin?"

She jolts awake, startled, not remembering sleeping in the first place. She was still on the Air Temple's kitchen, sleeping on their table, the ceiling light stabbing into her tired eyes. Pema was on the door, looking worried and surprised.

"I... I'm sorry, I must've..." Lin shook her head. "I should—I should leave now."

"It's half past twelve, Lin," Pema tells her, walking towards the cupboards and takes out a mug. "How are you going to leave? Swim?" She chuckles at her own joke.

"I... spirits, I'm so sorry, Pema," Lin held her temple. "I didn't mean to crash on your kitchen like this."

" _Hey_ ," Pema says softly, frowning, "It's no problem. We always have a room for you to stay over whenever you like, you know that, Lin."

She shook her head. "You're too nice, Pema."

The younger woman shook her head, placing a steaming mug of tea in front of her. "Tell me what's wrong. You look..."

"Terrible?" Lin suggested.

"Troubled." Pema sat on the chair across hers. "And terrible too, yes. When was the last time you slept?"

"A few minutes ago, I recall," she tries to joke.

" _Really_ slept, Lin," Pema crosses her arms, leaning closer. Her voice lowers into a soft whisper.

"It's Kya, isn't it?"

Lin doesn't answer her for a while.

"Now I know it's none of my business, and forgive me for butting in, but _goodness_ , Lin—Kya loves you with her guts, her _whole_ _heart_. I know when I see it." She tells her, and the worst part was that Lin could tell that she was honest. "I _know_."

"Maybe the problem isn't her," Lin finds herself saying. "Maybe the problem is me."

Pema frowns. "And the problem is...?"

"Maybe—maybe I don't love her the same way she does with me."

The woman in front of her sighs heavily, turning around to gather the dirty mugs left on the table. "You know, for an earthbender who can tell when people lie, you're terrible at doing it to yourself."

"Can you blame me? I'm such a wreck that my ex-boyfriend's wife is giving me dating advices." Lin laughs at the irony. "It'll never work, Pema—I know it. I just do."

Pema raises her eyebrows. "You haven't even tried."

"I've seen my mother try plenty of times."

"And you're going to let that stop you?" She asks. "The fear?"

"I—I just—I don't want it to hurt." Lin stutters. "I've hurt both of us enough already."

"I overheard her talk about you to my girls when she tucked them to sleep tonight, you know." Pema tells her. "That doesn't seem to stop her from loving you at all. To be honest, I don't think anything will."

She looks up at her hopelessly. _You know it would never work,_ the voice in her mind kept saying, but it doesn't convince her anymore. Kya loved her. Kya still _loved her_ , even when she told her she doesn't.

It's worth a try. There's nothing left for her to lose anyway, right?

"Why are you telling me this?" Lin finally spoke, almost in a whisper.

"Because I've seen how happy you are with my sister-in-law. The days she would drag you to roam the city while she's in town... you were so happy, Lin. And I _want_ you to be happy." Pema smiles, squeezing her hand gently. "You deserve that much, at least."

She nods and swallows thickly, slumping her head on the table. "Do you have something stonger than tea?"

Pema shakes her head, chuckling. "Trust me, between raising Meelo and taking care of Rohan, I would have finished it all if there's any."

Lin groans. "Oh god."

"Talk to her," She smiles encouragingly. "You've got this, officer. I know you do."

She doesn't.

But again, what was there for her to lose anymore?

* * *

The door still creaks so fucking loudly despite how careful and slow Lin was with opening it.

Kya looks up from her place on the bed when she opens the door to reveal herself, bright teal eyes staring right into hers.

For a moment Lin froze. She didn't think this through. _Yes_ , Kya might still love her, but that doesn't mean she could just come back running to her as if nothing had happened. What is she going to even say? " _I'm sorry"?_ Would that be enough?

"Lin?"

She looks up back at her. "Hello, Kya."

The other woman glares at her and cups her hand on Asami's ear, shushing angrily. "Shhh, you're going to wake her up, what are you...?"

"I'm sorry, I—" she chokes on her words, tears threatening to spill out if she weren't careful enough. "I came here to say that I'm sorry."

Kya stares at her before sighing, looking away to card her fingers along Asami's hairline instead.

Lin waits.

And waits.

"Come in here."

She closes the door behind her gently before walking over to the bed, unsure of what to do. Lin wanted relief to flood her body, make her believe that everything was going to be okay, everything's _finally_ going to be okay—but she was too scared to let that happen. Too scared.

"Come _in_ here." Kya repeated, gesturing her to come to bed.

She hesitantly slides into the covers on her other side, sandwiching Asami between them. Nothing happens for a while after.

Sea waves hits the cliffs in the distance.

Kya's fingers reaches for her, carefully tracing the scars in her body, her arms, her cheek. It was her favorite thing to do.

Lin knew that she'd heal every single one of them if she could, only leaving the mark of her kiss on her neck.

"I love you," Lin whispers to her.

Kya smiles. "I know." Her eyes said, _it's going to be a long talk about us, but we don't have to it tonight._

But she _does_ love her. And she wants Kya to know that, she wants to say it over and over again for the rest of her life. "I love you. And I'm—I'm sorry that I've told you otherwise."

"I know, Lin. I always have." Kya shook her head, laughing softly. "After all, what can I say? You're a terrible liar."

Lin laughs with her. "I'm glad, then. I just hope... I hope I'm not too late for you, this time."

"Oh, Lin. Nothing is too late," Kya murmurs, and she finally sees it, what Pema had been seeing the whole time—the love inside her that leaks into her eyes, that drips into her face, her laugh, her smile.

"Not if it's you."

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr blog!!](https://hereforthehurts.tumblr.com/)


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